Sunday, 3 September 2017

Is it impossible for parents to not play favourites?

Photo credit: dailymail


 Do parents actually show favoritism to a particular child? Psychologists claim that parent show favouritism to one child over another particularly if the child has special needs or new born babies or children of the same gender. According to them, disfavoured children suffer more depression, show greater aggressiveness, have low self-esteem and are poor academically.

Well, child favouritism can be traced from biblical days. Recalling the story of Jacob and Esau, Jacob was more loved than his brother, Esau by his mother. Another example is that of Joseph, who was also more loved than all his brothers by his father. This made his brothers envious of him and sold him to slavery. Thankfully, the story ended well because it all turned out for Joseph's good.

During a lunch break at the workplace,  a colleague was complaining of one of her children whom she said was a pain in the neck. She said that she preferred his other sibling because of his behaviour. So I asked whether it is impossible for parents to not have favourites?The responses got me thinking.


A colleague had said that it is impossible to love all one's children equally. She used herself as an example. She had six girls and was seriously praying to have a boy and thankfully, the seventh was a boy. According to her, she treats her only and last born son especially as a king and this kind of agitates his sisters who feel like they are not as precious as the boy. Would we blame her when in some cultures, a woman is not considered to have children unless has a male child?

Another colleague seconded the motion and chipped in that out of his two children who are twins, he also prefers the younger one because she was more outspoken, funny and problem solver. He gave instances of when he had issues with his mobile phone and the younger one was quick to proffer solutions. He also added that the younger one had taught him about social media and how to upload apps on her phone. It was not like he did not love the elder one, it was just that he naturally bonded with the younger one more.

Personally, I think showing favouritisms  starts when parents start making a comparison between the siblings. Take, for example, a mother complaining about one of her daughters that she is careless and lacks good judgement to another daughter whom she considers careful and prudent. If the scolding becomes constant, the daughter who is at the receiving end might start to feel she less loved and can not live up to her mother's expectation. She might secretly harbour hate for the other sister who appears to be perfect and wanted.

I had grown thinking that I was the least loved. Don't get me wrong, it is not liked my parents didn't love me but I just thought they loved my siblings more. So when the colleague at work, who had twin boys, said he loved one twin than the other, I was like- say what? He was like it is impossible for a parent to love their children equally. According to him, one twin was more creative, jovial and intelligent but the other appeared laid-back and less creative. He also revealed that child favouritism could also be influenced by the birth experiences/circumstances  surrounding that child.

After Sunday service somewhere around the children's church, Gertrude, a teenager, got my attention. She was moping by the corner and I was compelled to ask her what went wrong. According to her, she has been having issues with her mom lately. So what happened exactly? That was my first impulse. She said that she is not just good enough and she was doubting if she would be able to live up to her mother's expectation. I had to probe further by asking her why she thought so. Gertrude has concluded that her mother preferred her elder sister to herself. She felt it was because her elder sister was prettier, more intelligent and carbon-copy of her mum in terms of looks and character.

Knowing that I had travelled that road before, I told her that I could relate to her story. In fact, I told her that at some point in my life I had felt that way before. Instantly, her face lit up. So I went further telling her how I was able to control the situations by getting rid of negative emotions such as hate, envy, low self-esteem and sibling rivalry.

The best way I think to get over such was to see the 'alleged favouritism and comparison' as a motivating factor to be better than one is. I also added that most times one might see oneself as the least loved but truth is, parental love can not be substituted with an outsider.

Another approach would be to engage her mother or father in dialogue where she can state instances where they showed favouritism and appeared unfair to her so that they become fully aware and do the needful. Having it at the back of one's mind that everyone is unique, even identical twins, so people tend to relate to each person differently, would ease the negative emotions steaming from favouritism. That being said, parents should also strive to not make appear like they favour a particular child over the other no matter what.

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

#WomanCrushWednesday: Check out 10 Red carpet looks from Michelle Obama




Just little tale from this amazon:

 One night, former President of United States, Barrack Obama and his wife, Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious. When they were seated the owner of the restaurant, asked Barrack Obama's secret service if he could please speak to his wife in private. They gladly obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the restaurant owner,
Following the conversation, Barrack Obama was curious to know what went down so he asked his wife:
" Why was he so interested in talking to you?"
Michelle replied that during her teenage years, the owner was madly in love with her. To which Obama replied that if he had married her, she would have been the owner of the lovely restaurant.
Refusing to take defeat, Michelle responded:
"No, if I had married him, he would have become a US president"
Now that is what I ma talking about!

Michelle Obama is what I can describe as a three-in-one woman. She is intelligent, beautiful and charismatic. She is not just a pretty face but beauty merged with brains.She is down-to-earth and very amiable.  During her tenure, she was the brain behind the ''Lets Move'' campaign that sought to promote healthy lifestyle habits amongst children.

Have you caught her busting those moves? She is a stepper,a good one as that! Being the first lady didn't prevent her from being herself. The mother of two had been caught on the field engaging in athletics e.g Table Tennis. She does karaoke like no other.

Michelle Obama has been regarded as one of the stylish/fashionable FLOTUS of all time. Of course she couldn't be caught alone without her proud husband, Barrack Obama. So check out10 red carpet  looks from our Woman Crush Wednesday, Michelle Obama:











Photo credit: Pininterest

Which is your favourite?

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

#WomanCrushWednesday: Check out 8 beauty looks from super diva, Kate Henshaw



The first thing that captivates you about Nollywood actress,  Kate Henshaw is her endearing smile and the gaiety of her laughter which is so infectious. Do you know that this beautiful actress, who is also a fitness guru, is also a very good dancer? Follow her on Instagram and watch videos of her busting those moves and you are hooked! 


Kate Henshaw  was born in Cross River and is the oldest of four children.  She had her early school education in Lagos and Calabar. Although she enrolled in University of Calabar to study Medical Microbiology, she later ventured into acting when she auditioned and landed a lead role in the movie-When the Sun sets. That was how her journey into acting began.

Having starred in over 45 movies, Kate Henshaw  remains one of the most soughted-after actresses in Nollywood.  She is the recipient of several awards and endorsement deals.

On the red carpet, Kate Henshaw always the graces events with her presence, outfit and style. In celebration of her, she is our  woman crush this Wednesday. So I bring to you eight beauty looks of this diva. See them below:

Which is your favourite? 



Photo credit: Instagram @k8henshaw

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Church Panorama


Saturday, 1 July 2017

11 types of people you find in banks



Photo Credit: Peace Ben William Blog

It was a long weekend; very much needed for rest and to prepare, plan and project for the coming working days.Since money had been spent over this weekend, I needed to dash to the bank to get some money to sustain my expenses.

 Do you know that the bank is a drama house? You meet different kinds of people with different occupations, agendas and motives. Besides, whenever there is a gathering of different people, drama is bound to abound. Brings me to the list of certain peoole you find in virtually any banking hall, they include:

1. The Latecomers
 Banks normally close at 4.00 p.m but somehow they just seem to get there late. These people might have been victims of poor planning or we could blame it on traffic or just some other pressing engagement that took most of their time. They may resort to begging the security guards for favours that is if these men in uniform would listen to their pleas.

2. Biro borrowers
I mean you are coming to the bank, you would need a pen! Okay, may be it didnt occur to them but thses people borrow pens in the banking halls. The most annoying thing is when you have to beg for your biro to be returned or you cant find the person who borrowed your pen again.

3. The Rule breakers
 They jump the queues. They do not respect other people. They also disobey bank rules like receiving calls in the banking hall e.t.c. These people just believe in  ''playing smart'' and think they are immune to any form of sanctions.

4. ''Pepper dem gang''a.k.a Slay Mamas
With their make ups on fleek, latest hairdos, trendy clothes, these people particularly ladies make heads turn in the banking hall. Most times they get preferential treatment from the men folk because of their sex appeal. They might be the reason a  jealous female worker would deliberately delay people or develop attitude towards them when on the queue waiting for their turns to carry out their transactions.

5. The  Complainers
 For them, they would always remember the ''good old days'' when everything seemed good. They would complain of poor customer service, bad network , poor delivery , lack of infrastructure and everything else that has to do with the particular bank. As if that is not enough, they start making comparisons with other banks that appear to do better than the one they are patronising.

6. The Door Rejectors
At times you wonder if the bank is out to get them out because no matter the number of metals they remove form their body and personal belongings, they are rejected at the entrance. Most times, protocoal have to be broken for them to gain entrance.


7. The Seat occupiers
 They are in the bank to occupy the available seats that because  they simply accompanied the bank user to the bank. So instead of loitering around ,they deem it best to take a seat and wait for their friend, relative or colleague or whomever they came with.

8. The Unschooled
These people are in need of assistance. You might want to appear to arrogant showing that you are learned when they approach you for help on what to do , how to do, what to write, where to go.........Sometimes you find them at the ATM struggling on how to carry out an operation. You have to be careful that you don't laugh when they start ''blowing fuse'' with their bad English grammar.

9. The Not Interested
No matter what goes on in the banking hall whether good or bad, they would show lack of interest. They are just there top do what they have to do and get out. the complaining, the praises , the dramas, the activities does not in any way interest them. Probably, their mind is somewhere else and on something else. You might even find these set of people stuck with their headphone listening to music.

10.  The Over schooled
Just as we have the ''Not so schooled'', we have the overschooled. They bombard us with ''Big big grammars''. we might consult them for assistance and directions.  They seem to know everything banking.

11. The Uncategorised
We do not know why they are in the banking hall probably to supervise or to observe what is going on. Or they are just there for being there. Well, you never can tell. May be they are on a mission.

Did I leave any one out? Please add yours xoxo



Saturday, 10 June 2017

Why do ''we'' link nocturnal creatures with evil and enemies in disguise?

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Picking up the broken pieces


Photo credit: Oko's Blog

These things  normally happen in Nollywood but no, it was live. It happened to her. It was either the guy breaks the lady’s heart or vice versa and then the  hurting one goes mad or life becomes meaningless. She neither went mad nor lost her life purpose but she felt dejected.”

They say that time is meant to heal wounds but she was unsure if she would get over knowing that her ex just tied the knots. Yes! He just made her know she was history while his wife was his present and future.
She had  had big hopes that he would return. It was her belief that they were destined to be together. They had a lot in common. They were namesakes, from the same tribe, attended Sunday school together and the attraction was there.

However, she had pushed him to the wall ignoring his constant complaints of  her annoying behaviour. To her, he would forgive her as he always did. One day, he told her that he was no longer interested in the relationship. She thought he was joking. This was the same guy who confessed to love her always regardless. May be she banked on his forgiving nature that she forgot that he was human and would have breaking points. Then, it dawned on her that she was no more his priority, his bae, his woman and his heart.

It broke her heart. For nights she cried and cried, tried to make amends through various means and channels. She went through his siblings but to no avail. She went through his mentors and friends instead they advised her to moved on that she had stretched him beyond limit.

How would she live without him? No more calls? No more chats? No more outings? No more gists? No more planning together for the future? No more visitations ? No more games? No more eating together? No more laughing together?No more pictures together? No more praying together? No more….she could go on and on….

She thought she should give him some time probably he would come around. However, things turned out for the worse. It was like she was so obsessed with him. The more she tried to win him over, the more he withdrew. He resorted to blocking her on all social media platforms when she constantly tried to communcate with him. Facebook blocked. Whatsapp blocked. LinkedIn blocked, too. Okay, he was not on twitter. Then he stopped picking her calls.

The silent treatment nearly drove her nuts but she had something else that she had to hold on to or else her life seemed meaningless. She just got admission for a Masters degree. Would she allow the heartbreak to allow the opportunity to further her studies slip away? No! She had her education to fight for too. She would still go back to school, with a broken heart though. Also, she had a career in line, she could not allow her emotions get the better part of her and allow her career suffer.

Althrough her studies and career, she was hoping that one day, he would come back and say ”I am sorry, let’s start over again” and then that one day came and she got the biggest shock of her life. She found that he was now married. Thanks to social media and other sources. She could not believe it. It should have been her in the picture with him? But No, she was not.

Wow! First it was the denial stage. She said to herself that the woman in the picture with him could not be his bride probably a friend but pictures don’t lie. She had to admit the lady appeared beautiful but was the direct opposite of her in terms of physical appearance. It was far from friendship, this picture revealed they were life partners.

First impulse was to scream but instead she sent a congratulatory message to him hoping he would read it. He had completely blocked her from his life. Sadly, they had parted ways in the most bitter manner. No form of reconciliation or making peace with ones past girlfriend(s) as some guys do before tying the knot. (Most guys are guilty of this, when they are about to get married they start calling ex-gilrfirends to make peace so that they dont go with baggage into their marriage.)

Back to her story. It has been three weeks since she got to know that he was now married. She had lost weight and the pain in her chest was excruciating.
” Will you die because of one guy?” came one advice” Remember, if you die because of a man, many better finer men would pass by your grave and say ”omashe oo”’

If not for support from family and friends, she would have been a shadow of herself. She craved for encouragement as a newborn crave for breastmilk from the mother. The future looked bleak for her. This was someone she dreamt of the future with. Would she forgive herself for stretching him too far? Would she get over her regret?Would she find someone better than him? Does she need to revenge and let him know that he has no control of her happiness? Would she continue to stalk him on social media and give him the power to hurt her the more? These and many more questions filled her mind that she barely knew the answers to.

Her career was at stake and she still hopes to further her education. She was not ready to throw all her aspirations away even though the man she thought she loved was now married to someone else. She would just take a day at a time, her life was very precious to be wasted in regret.
As she wished him well in all his endeavours, she also muttered a prayer to her God that their parts never crossed and that she looks back at this phase in years to come and have a very good laugh because she thought she would never get over it.