Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Picking up the broken pieces


Photo credit: Oko's Blog

These things  normally happen in Nollywood but no, it was live. It happened to her. It was either the guy breaks the lady’s heart or vice versa and then the  hurting one goes mad or life becomes meaningless. She neither went mad nor lost her life purpose but she felt dejected.”

They say that time is meant to heal wounds but she was unsure if she would get over knowing that her ex just tied the knots. Yes! He just made her know she was history while his wife was his present and future.
She had  had big hopes that he would return. It was her belief that they were destined to be together. They had a lot in common. They were namesakes, from the same tribe, attended Sunday school together and the attraction was there.

However, she had pushed him to the wall ignoring his constant complaints of  her annoying behaviour. To her, he would forgive her as he always did. One day, he told her that he was no longer interested in the relationship. She thought he was joking. This was the same guy who confessed to love her always regardless. May be she banked on his forgiving nature that she forgot that he was human and would have breaking points. Then, it dawned on her that she was no more his priority, his bae, his woman and his heart.

It broke her heart. For nights she cried and cried, tried to make amends through various means and channels. She went through his siblings but to no avail. She went through his mentors and friends instead they advised her to moved on that she had stretched him beyond limit.

How would she live without him? No more calls? No more chats? No more outings? No more gists? No more planning together for the future? No more visitations ? No more games? No more eating together? No more laughing together?No more pictures together? No more praying together? No more….she could go on and on….

She thought she should give him some time probably he would come around. However, things turned out for the worse. It was like she was so obsessed with him. The more she tried to win him over, the more he withdrew. He resorted to blocking her on all social media platforms when she constantly tried to communcate with him. Facebook blocked. Whatsapp blocked. LinkedIn blocked, too. Okay, he was not on twitter. Then he stopped picking her calls.

The silent treatment nearly drove her nuts but she had something else that she had to hold on to or else her life seemed meaningless. She just got admission for a Masters degree. Would she allow the heartbreak to allow the opportunity to further her studies slip away? No! She had her education to fight for too. She would still go back to school, with a broken heart though. Also, she had a career in line, she could not allow her emotions get the better part of her and allow her career suffer.

Althrough her studies and career, she was hoping that one day, he would come back and say ”I am sorry, let’s start over again” and then that one day came and she got the biggest shock of her life. She found that he was now married. Thanks to social media and other sources. She could not believe it. It should have been her in the picture with him? But No, she was not.

Wow! First it was the denial stage. She said to herself that the woman in the picture with him could not be his bride probably a friend but pictures don’t lie. She had to admit the lady appeared beautiful but was the direct opposite of her in terms of physical appearance. It was far from friendship, this picture revealed they were life partners.

First impulse was to scream but instead she sent a congratulatory message to him hoping he would read it. He had completely blocked her from his life. Sadly, they had parted ways in the most bitter manner. No form of reconciliation or making peace with ones past girlfriend(s) as some guys do before tying the knot. (Most guys are guilty of this, when they are about to get married they start calling ex-gilrfirends to make peace so that they dont go with baggage into their marriage.)

Back to her story. It has been three weeks since she got to know that he was now married. She had lost weight and the pain in her chest was excruciating.
” Will you die because of one guy?” came one advice” Remember, if you die because of a man, many better finer men would pass by your grave and say ”omashe oo”’

If not for support from family and friends, she would have been a shadow of herself. She craved for encouragement as a newborn crave for breastmilk from the mother. The future looked bleak for her. This was someone she dreamt of the future with. Would she forgive herself for stretching him too far? Would she get over her regret?Would she find someone better than him? Does she need to revenge and let him know that he has no control of her happiness? Would she continue to stalk him on social media and give him the power to hurt her the more? These and many more questions filled her mind that she barely knew the answers to.

Her career was at stake and she still hopes to further her education. She was not ready to throw all her aspirations away even though the man she thought she loved was now married to someone else. She would just take a day at a time, her life was very precious to be wasted in regret.
As she wished him well in all his endeavours, she also muttered a prayer to her God that their parts never crossed and that she looks back at this phase in years to come and have a very good laugh because she thought she would never get over it.

Monday, 20 February 2017

When he feels he is doing you a favour by marrying you?


                                             Image credit: Pulse

It was an intellectual conversation centered on that very course that we never understood. Imagine, the lecturer of this particular course would come to class and not teach but would expect you to read up and do the explanations yourself. If it was not class presentation, it was series of assignments. If it was neither of the two, it was impromptu tests. That was what the whole discussion was all about considering that examinations were around the corner but somehow it switched to marriage. How it managed to change gear  and direction that I am still cracking my brain.

Ding! It is a actually started when a '' toaster'' of Sheneneh  joined the conversation and he was telling the other guys present  that she had refused to give him the green light. That was how one other guy, let's call him (John Bosco ) took it upon himself and told Sheneneh's toaster to take chill pills because in next two years or so, Sheneneh would be the one on his matter. He even gave instances of how desperate girls stylishly call guys to register their availability. He  added that Sheneneh  would start by calling him casually saying :
''I just called to say hello! ''  

According to this guy that was a signal from a woman who is available and desperate especially one who over time had played very hard to get but after weighing her options had to act fast to beat time.

Point taken. Really, so guys take it that a single woman calling them just to holla is indirectly pressing them for marriage, might not be the same for every guy though. My thoughts, henceforth, no more calls to guys unless it is very urgent.

So why did Sheneneh not jah this guy face. Firstly, he did not appear serious. Any serious guy should be willing to cross the oceans, break barriers, kill lions or even do the unimaginable. Okay on a  more serious note, you can always tell when someone is serious. It would show in their actions and behaviour. This guy in question looked like he was just wanted to '' test the microphone''. Do you ask a girl out by giving conditions? Do you ask a girl out with threats like you better say yes before I would change my mind and the likes.

Secondly, this guy in question was not her ideal kind of man. We heard that women should bring their high standards down. True but is knowing what you want and sticking it to way too unrealistic. This guy was just too dishonest. That was a major flaw. He knew how to lie. His words were just sugar-coated. We have been warned as women to draw the line between sincere praise and flattery. This guy did the latter very well. It was written all over his face. He is a professional liar.

Thirdly, he had actually told Sheneneh that he was doing her a favour and she better 
give in before she gets to old for marriage. Hmm.... In fact that was the deal breaker. Why on earth would a guy think he is doing a woman a favour by marrying her? Is it because of the age factor? That really got me thinking. Why would any guy think he is  doing woman a favour by marrying her?

If so where is the place of love that is neither boastful nor conditional? l am sure it has been over emphasised that a woman virtually forfeits many things for the sake of the man she is marrying. She changes her name for the man. She carries his children for nine months and so on. Sometimes she forgoes her ambition to be a wife and mother. Managing the home is a full time business, and a takes someone who is good in multitasking and skilled, many women are professionals in this area.

The Holy book also buttresses that the man who finds a wife obtains favour. The man is meant to be enriched by his wife and she is his crown. So where does the whole idea that I am doing you a favour if you marry me come from? Reversely, the woman is actually doing the man a favour because she is the one that would bring him favour according to the Holy book.

Concerning the man na man syndrome, this is when a woman has given hope that she will ever get married so any man that shows up whether it Tom, Dick or Harry, she would hold tightly lest he might be the last. With societal pressures and the likes, a woman who is unsure of herself might just for that gimmick.  It is not easy particularly with the constant reminder of  ones biological clock ticking. A man who sees a woman as someone he married out of pity cannot never be loving enough. 

Women need to nourished, protected and cherished. Will such a man claiming bragging rights do these to his woman when he thinks he is doing the woman a favour by getting married to her?

Personally, l don't think women should marry out of fear but love and on their own freewill and conviction. Do you think it is good for a man to say he is doing a woman favour by marrying her?

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

When he is not just in your league???


Source: www.sopic.co

So there are some people that cannot fill in the gap no matter what. But they are also God creations naa. Brings me to the story of Sheneneh.

She is a Masters degree holder and works in telecommunications company. Sheneneh is not your everyday lady. She has ambition to go for a PhD degree.She is what we call a very independent woman.Shoes on her feet-she bought it. Clothes she wears-she bought them. House she lives in-she bought it.  For her relationship is 50/50.

That's how the other day, someone came to block her. It was in the bank. She had gone to deposit some money into her account. While she was removing the money from her bag, a flier dropped. She had picked it up and it drew attention she did not expect.

The security man could identify with the flier. It was for an upcoming programme in a church that he attended too.

The guy summoned courage and that's how he started chatting Sheneneh up.
" Do you also attend CCA?"
"CCA?" She answered back with a question.Nigerians and answering question with question.
" I mean Christ Church Apostolic?"
Now she could not lie or feign surprise so Sheneneh answered in the affirmative acknowledging that he must have seen the flier.

It didn't end there he went on .
"I also attend CCA. I am in bible study unit?"
In Sheneneh's mind she was like did I ask you. That's how the security guy was talking until the bomb dropped after she had done what she needed to do at the bank and was on her way out.
"Lemme have your number?" The security lad asked.

Sheneneh had already calculated...two plus two must add up to four oo.This security guard has liver to chike her even with her class.
Sheneneh did not want to appear like a snub so she was "politely rude". In the end,she ended up giving the security guy ela. Meanwhile an onlooker, another customer in the bank started singing "nobody wey no fit too make am" by  Patoranking. Her conscience would not let her be so she went back to the bank to collect his number than give him hers.  At least that was fair enough if she needed him he was among her contacts ko?

It doesn't go because he is not in her league.
Am sure sisters out there can relate to this. There are certain occupations, permit to list them that are not in your league especially if you are educated e.g ("comment reserve")you know now???
But wait shebi Rome was not built in day.And we know that these people are human beings also created by God. Personally, if you are not in my league i might not be good enough especially if you are someone that I would not be proud of. Mind you I am not a snob cos I'm very approachable.
Some guys be like- be doing shakara when you get to a certain age then you realise man na man(any man would do?) because oko won lo de ( translation men are scarce)# Well that's another talk for another day. Back to the matter, are there people you regard out of your league? It is not snobbery, I think its what we should call  ones standard.