Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts

Monday, 20 February 2017

When he feels he is doing you a favour by marrying you?


                                             Image credit: Pulse

It was an intellectual conversation centered on that very course that we never understood. Imagine, the lecturer of this particular course would come to class and not teach but would expect you to read up and do the explanations yourself. If it was not class presentation, it was series of assignments. If it was neither of the two, it was impromptu tests. That was what the whole discussion was all about considering that examinations were around the corner but somehow it switched to marriage. How it managed to change gear  and direction that I am still cracking my brain.

Ding! It is a actually started when a '' toaster'' of Sheneneh  joined the conversation and he was telling the other guys present  that she had refused to give him the green light. That was how one other guy, let's call him (John Bosco ) took it upon himself and told Sheneneh's toaster to take chill pills because in next two years or so, Sheneneh would be the one on his matter. He even gave instances of how desperate girls stylishly call guys to register their availability. He  added that Sheneneh  would start by calling him casually saying :
''I just called to say hello! ''  

According to this guy that was a signal from a woman who is available and desperate especially one who over time had played very hard to get but after weighing her options had to act fast to beat time.

Point taken. Really, so guys take it that a single woman calling them just to holla is indirectly pressing them for marriage, might not be the same for every guy though. My thoughts, henceforth, no more calls to guys unless it is very urgent.

So why did Sheneneh not jah this guy face. Firstly, he did not appear serious. Any serious guy should be willing to cross the oceans, break barriers, kill lions or even do the unimaginable. Okay on a  more serious note, you can always tell when someone is serious. It would show in their actions and behaviour. This guy in question looked like he was just wanted to '' test the microphone''. Do you ask a girl out by giving conditions? Do you ask a girl out with threats like you better say yes before I would change my mind and the likes.

Secondly, this guy in question was not her ideal kind of man. We heard that women should bring their high standards down. True but is knowing what you want and sticking it to way too unrealistic. This guy was just too dishonest. That was a major flaw. He knew how to lie. His words were just sugar-coated. We have been warned as women to draw the line between sincere praise and flattery. This guy did the latter very well. It was written all over his face. He is a professional liar.

Thirdly, he had actually told Sheneneh that he was doing her a favour and she better 
give in before she gets to old for marriage. Hmm.... In fact that was the deal breaker. Why on earth would a guy think he is doing a woman a favour by marrying her? Is it because of the age factor? That really got me thinking. Why would any guy think he is  doing woman a favour by marrying her?

If so where is the place of love that is neither boastful nor conditional? l am sure it has been over emphasised that a woman virtually forfeits many things for the sake of the man she is marrying. She changes her name for the man. She carries his children for nine months and so on. Sometimes she forgoes her ambition to be a wife and mother. Managing the home is a full time business, and a takes someone who is good in multitasking and skilled, many women are professionals in this area.

The Holy book also buttresses that the man who finds a wife obtains favour. The man is meant to be enriched by his wife and she is his crown. So where does the whole idea that I am doing you a favour if you marry me come from? Reversely, the woman is actually doing the man a favour because she is the one that would bring him favour according to the Holy book.

Concerning the man na man syndrome, this is when a woman has given hope that she will ever get married so any man that shows up whether it Tom, Dick or Harry, she would hold tightly lest he might be the last. With societal pressures and the likes, a woman who is unsure of herself might just for that gimmick.  It is not easy particularly with the constant reminder of  ones biological clock ticking. A man who sees a woman as someone he married out of pity cannot never be loving enough. 

Women need to nourished, protected and cherished. Will such a man claiming bragging rights do these to his woman when he thinks he is doing the woman a favour by getting married to her?

Personally, l don't think women should marry out of fear but love and on their own freewill and conviction. Do you think it is good for a man to say he is doing a woman favour by marrying her?

Saturday, 6 August 2016

Battlefield






PhotoCredit: www.singlemindedwomen.com
Are women their own worst enemies? Well…it is actually subjective but there is the general view that women have issues amongst themselves. When Heaven told me her story, I could not help but wonder why women do not have each others back. The competition is real for who is more beautiful, endowed and accomplished. There would always be a woman prettier, taller, more shapely, more intelligent. No one can win the race in the battle for who has it all in the women folk. There would always be someone ahead and someone behind.


Heaven had narrated how she had gone to submit an application a day after closure.  It was partly her fault but circumstances made her a day late. She had got the information late from her colleagues. The day they went to submit theirs, she was unavoidably absent-on a research mission. Heaven had summoned courage despite her colleagues telling her that it was already late. For Heaven, it was better to try than not to try at all.  The next day, she gathered all her hard copy of credentials, dressed corporately and matched to the office that advertised the vacancy to submit her application.

On getting to the office, the man at the entrance gave her a little hope but another man was kinda haughty and not bulging. The haughty man had directed Heaven to singlehandedly give the application to the woman -in-charge. The other kindhearted man beckoned to him that they should help but his partner was adamant. He even expressed his fears to his colleagues that the woman-in-charge might shout at her for late arrival. In the end, Heaven had to go and meet the "woman" herself as all persuasion amounted to nothing.


The "woman" was exact opposite of Heaven-no weave-on(short natural hair instead), no make up, no earrings, very long skirt…did you know after Heaven explained to the woman the reason for her late submission of the application, the woman literally threw Heaven out. The woman told Heaven to go outside the building. And that was where she attended to her.

Please who does that?
 #GirlsAreNotSmilingFace


While outside, Heaven was muttering prayers that God touches the woman's heart and that she gets to submit the application. When the "woman" came out,she clung to the close door handle and what came out her mouth was without conscience. First of all, her body language was we don't want you here. The woman shut the door. And then she said it was pointless using a flimsy excuse or looking for a criteria that made Heaven unqualified. That's how Heaven left defeated. No mercy from her fellow woman.  Even if she rejected Heaven’s application, did she have to do so crudely???



What do you think? Do women have each others back? Why do we compete with each other? Please share your thoughts, I am itching to hear from you.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Dear Diary...




Are women their worst enemies? ( ImageCredit: daily.co.uk)


Dear Diary,

Are women their own worst enemies? I heard this somewhere but can't place it.  As rhetoric as the question is, the truth is it still has an answer. Talking with guys, they were quick to admit that women are quick to run one  another down. it is like we have given men the power to alter a woman's countenance, all they have to do is to shower another woman with attention and compliments then you would see how the "other" woman reacts.

 Sometime ago in secondary school, two girls were fighting. Cant really remember what the bone of contention was but it was quite serious because both girls were getting physical.  So a guy stepped in to separate them. He just said something and that was what ended the fight. He was like una dey fight for who chest big pass abi??  Those of us watching busted into  laughter. The two fighters somehow separated and ended their fight.

 Recently, social media went ablaze with the pre-wedding photos of a couple. It was kinda different. The bride-to-be was on the big side and her man opposite. Trust relationship experts, they had already dissecting the outcome of such union. For crying out loud, the groom-to-be had made his choice and went ahead to show the  world. That was a bold move. The comments that poured in were largely from the women folk. Some of them were thought is best for the bride-to-be should slim down or stand the risk of loosing her man. What should have been obtainable would have been to wish the couple the best of marital bliss but some bad belle women took it upon themselves to make scathing remarks.

Daily billboards, magazines, television programmes etc. bombard us with the ideal image of a woman. Some women strive to be a look-alike of what the media has presented to them, forgetting that they can only be a wanna-be or photocopy not the original. Trust me, it is unending struggle trying to be someone else when you can feel free to be the best version of yourself.

Truth is from day one, a woman is being made to attach beauty with values-the beautiful ones land the best jobs, the beautiful ones attract the opposite sex, the beautiful ones get more attention, the beautiful ones are more favoured. Beauty sells, image is basically everything in today's world. Well...beauty is not a bad thing but when it is in form of competition or trying to meet up to a particular standard then wahala dey.

Ayi Kwei Armah had said the beautiful ones are not yet born. That is another debate for another day. I would never estimate the essence of being presentable and beautiful but it is distasteful if the carrier has an ugly heart, rude character and bad manners. Proverbs 11:22 makes it clear that a beautiful woman without discretion is like  a gold ring in a pig's snout. I am a work in progress myself, I would not pretend to know it all. Both content and container are important in branding.

 Naturally it is characteristic of a woman to engage in social comparisons.Women don't need to fight each other over who is more endowed or not, who is prettier or not, who gets more comments and likes....  There is space for every one of us...

 Yours Truly,
  Omote Ro Dhe